Birdsville - a draft

Once a year, in a dusty town about as far south and as far west as you can get and still be in Queensland, a man comes to town looking for a fight.  Fred aint pretty but his fighters are tough and almost fair and the whole crowd cheers if you get knocked down, but they’ll cheer you more if you can get back up.

 

If sand and horses and beer and fighting and rum and a lot of driving sound like a perfect holiday to you, you have probably been hit in the head too many times in Fred Brophy’s boxing ring.  On the last weekend in August, the Birdsville Races are the place to be in western Queensland, and once the action on the track has finished, it moves inside, ringside and woe betide the man who faces the Birdsville Mauler and doesn’t keep his guard up.

Friday is the first day of racing. There are horses in the day and the usual song and dance, but its the Boxing Tent that I have come to see. I have squashed my nerves and hit the pads, skipping and sweating back in Bondi, waiting for my chance to mix it with a professional fighter in front of an intoxicated crowd.  I have been told that when hear there is a Victorian in the crowd who has travelled all the way from Bondi, they will be confused.  Then they will want to see me get punched.

Years ago the boxing tent was an essential feature of any travelling show.  It was a place where a man could learn his measure, and crossing the ropes was a rite of passage.  Fred’s old sparring partner in the business, Jim Sharman, shut down a few years back with hefty insurance premiums and crafty litigants among the vanquished taking a toll. Now it’s just Fred’s troupe who set up at the Races, the Mt Isa Rodeo and a couple of stops around Queensland and in the Territory. Fred was a fixture at the Longreach and Barcaldine shows only a few years ago, but the trade has been dropping off, or they're not making them as tough as they used to

When boxing was the sport of kings, fighters held a place in society that captured the imagination and inspired the masses.  The smack of gloves on flesh was watched and analysed and understood.  There was a time when the dangerous dance between two men, in a set square, accepting the consequence of the challenge and using strategy and technique to win points or knock the their opponent out, was a metaphor for the masses who faced the daily grind and wished their problems would appear in front of them to be knocked down.

Boxing rang its own bell a long time ago, becoming a parady of itself with harlequin promoters in bed with organised crime and the champions of the sweet science were cretins and thugs in real life.  MMA and cage fights pull enormous crowds and television audiences with their guarentee of blood: submission or knockout.

I was heading to Birdsville to face the bell and the glove.  An inexorable force pulled me toward Fred Brophy and my pugilistic destiny.  At times it felt as though I had been headed for this moment since my hormones started pumping out testosterone, but most of the time I felt like running away.

I had chosen this particular adventure but was having a hard time remembering what had seemed so appealing about getting into a ring with a professional boxer and trying to dodge punches for 3 rounds.  I must have been drunk when I formulated the idea.  That was the usual explanation.  When the boozed washed away I awoke with a strong sapling of an idea and a foggy memory concerning the rationale, to be left unexamined amongst the empty stubbies.

I knew that the pull toward the boxing tent was more than a mere intoxicated idea. I had trained hard, punched pads and skipped and sweated and occasionally sparred.  This was a chance to test myself, in an arena that did not forgive, with baying maniacs as witnesses and my pride to force my hand.

So here I was at Fred Brophy’s sweaty anachronism, celebrating the toughness of the outback bloke and the measures man will go to have some fun while surrounded by the desert and filled with rum. Kind of like Sovereign Hill but instead of a nugget of gold to take away you get a knuckle in the face. 

Bondi Bang Gang Book Club - A Manifesto

Manifesto for the Bondi Book Bang Gang

Translated from the Greek, Itis Dire, 97AD

The raison d’etre of the Bondi Book Bang Gang is to bring together like minds and unlikely types to consume food, imbibe drink and ingest ideas from artists of the written word to see what collective wisdom can be brought forth.

The BBBG monthly book will be the foundation from which discussions of life, love, loss and other profundities will be launched. Each meeting must have a recognised Chairperson and note‐taker whose role will be to produce minutes from the meeting and to keep conversations relevant to the book, the author and any other criticism, observation or appropriate impulse. Above all the BBBG will be a forum for discussions centred on the joy of reading, the art of writing and the capacity to imbibe, argue and converse with levity, wisdom and consideration.

The BBBG will compile a list of books from which the monthly novel is selected. Each member of the BBBG will, as a rule, provide a list of their Top Five Books on the first night of attendance and may be asked to justify their selection. Mockery or celebration may ensue.

The BBBG will not condone: mediocrity, misogyny, misandry. The BBBG will condone: honesty, controversy, irreverence. The BBBG accepts that nothing is sacred and all will be well.

 

ROLE OF THE CHAIRPERSON: the Chairperson for each meeting will be chosen at the previous meeting and will receive the full anointment ceremony, which will usually involve the mixing of alcohol and other libations to prepare the selected being for their task ahead. This task involves leading the discussion of their chosen book which they must not have read previously. It is the Chairperson’s express purpose to:

Keep the frivolities moving in a timely manner Make the carving up of the novel as interesting and provocative as possible Provide an opening speech, brief or elongated, about what they gained from the novel and any books it reminds them of

A summary of likes/ dislikes A reading of their favourite passage for the book (it cannot exceed 5 lines or they will be punished with lines)

Any monologue not to exceed 5 minutes Provide a list of ideas, objects, topics or questions that should guide the discussion

 

The Chairperson must commence proceedings by reciting their favourite quote that they feel embodies the novel followed by the imbibing of their favourite shot, others may choose to partake in imbibitions or pour scorn upon the consumption of that shot in good measure. Bang Gangers who become too boisterous will be shouted down at will by the Chairperson and even banned from further mouth‐opening if too much squealing is observed, unless it for further imbibitions.

Role of the Bang Gang members: All members should add some Bang to the discussion or they face the humiliation of being told to ‘neck up you parrot’ and forced to slug a shot of something terrible which assists the vocal chords in correct motion. Or they can be asked to recite their own favourite quote from the book and justify their predilection for such irrelevant drivel if that in fact was what they chose.

Attendance: Members must make every effort to read the monthly book and attend the monthly meeting. If a member fails in his or her endeavours they must come equipped with a quote and a concept with which to base their conversational input upon, or, if absent provide a verisimilitudinous excuse for their non‐attendance for the humour of the BBG. Mockery, punishment or mirth may ensue.

Role of the note‐taker: this important role will be assumed by the chairperson from the previous month and will be responsible for recording all funny, witty, rude, awkward and memorable moments so that people unable to attend can bathe in the joyful wisdom and flamboyant gregariousness of the attendant Bang Gangers, and those who did attend can remember how wonderful or creepy they were.

Bang Gang Journal: Used to keep track of the books read, plot summaries, discussion highlights, and member’s opinions, critiques and failures. It is the Chairperson’s responsibility to print out relevant pieces for inclusion in the notebook prior to the meeting, during which it will be given to the note taker to update and passed onto the upcoming chairperson at the end of the meeting.

 

Venue: The Rum Diaries, 288 Bondi Road (note the Hunter S Thompson reference: BBBG uphold the ideals and values of the Gonzo journalist, and the general behaviour that it celebrates).

Timing: Book club meetings will run from 6:30 to 9:00pm

•                    6:30 – 7:00: Social time (consume, imbibe, be mirthful) •                    7:00: Official beginning of discussions •                    9:00 Next book and Chair decided

Regularity of Meetings: To be held on the first Tuesday of each month.

Rules will be added as they become necessary upon election by a majority of the Bang Gangers. The organisation shall not be an anarchic state but a liberal democracy with a clear separation of powers, checks and balances on the amount of alcohol consumed by a central institution with only a small number of bean counters, and all attempts to impose a President or monarchy will be fought by a Unified Creative Front for the People of Bondi.

BBBG Monthly Mascot: Herman Hesse is the first literary mascot and if so inclined members can provide an anecdote that they have discovered about the Bondi Book Bang Gang monthly mascot. The more lascivious the better.

“Haven’t you heard? A life of carnal riot is one of the surest paths to sanctity”